Okay so Ms. Lemke made us write a procedure for this, but apparently I did mine wrong…please tell me what I did that is so upsetting por favor??
Materials needed: 2 pieces of bread, one toaster that actually works, two knives (but if you’re suicidal or just plain clumsy then get spoons. Bloody bread is not very yummy), a faucet, soap, a jar of peanut butter, a jar of jelly, a plate, a trash can, and enthusiasm.
1) Why don’t you start by washing your hands? Do you frickin’ want malaria???!!!
2) Open the bag of bread (if you’re fat use of course use whole grain) and grab out two slices. When you’re done doing that, insert them in the toaster slots and push down on the toaster button. If you don’t know how to use a toaster, use a microwave. If you don’t know how to use a microwave, then that’s your fault. Stop making a sandwich if you’re that dumb; I’m scared that you’ll poke yourself in the eye otherwise.
3) When the bread pops up, place the two pieces on a plate. Grab the knife and unscrew the peanut butter jar with your other hand. (if you only have one hand use your feet). Dip your knife inside so peanut butter will be caked onto it and then wipe it on your bread.
4) Repeat for the jelly.
5) Mash the two pieces of bread together, with the PBJ facing each other. Unless you don’t mind having your hands all messy like a corpse on a murder scene’s…
6) So you’ve got your sandwich. Now go throw it away.